The last week

This is for everyone who has a parent or loved one who has a debilitating disease (such as Alzheimers', dementia, or Parkinson's). You know the end is not going to be pretty, and you're wondering what to do when they can no longer swallow. I worried about this when my mother had dementia. The thought of her being thirsty or hungry simply overwhelmed me. It sounded so cruel; and what if she could feel her hunger pains?

Mama quit swallowing about a week before she died; this was going on this time last year. On the day after Valentine's Day, I remember emailing my sister that "Mama looked horrible." I didn't realize that it was so close to the end. On Monday they called me that she still wasn't eating, but she hadn't really had an appetite in several months any way. I still didn't know the end was so near. However, by Wednesday, it was very apparent that Mama wasn't bouncing back. In fact, they were only doing things that would keep her comfortable, such as wetting her lips with ice or applying eye drops. By Saturday, Mama had died.

Ironically, for me, the thought of putting a feeding tube in her that week actually seemed cruel. Why would anyone have wanted to prolong a life in that condition?

God was so good to Mama. She suffered for less than a week. It could have gone on so much longer. During that week, she never looked like she was in pain. she slept a lot; she didn't really respond to any thing, but I had gotten used to that. Hopefully, Mama was spending her last week on earth looking back on her life and thinking about all the people she influenced!

If you have someone who is approaching this state, maybe my story has helped you. I think in cases like my mother's, the body knows when it's time to die and does things to prepare.

Comments

[Ginger]

Kevin's mom had Alzheimer's and passed away three weeks after his father's unexpected death. A few days before her death, she aspirated and ended up in the ER, where the very good ER doctor suggested that we get her into hospice and that he thought she only had 2 - 3 days. That resulted in family coming in, and with us spending some additional time with her. Her rally that weekend was incredible - and we could understand her for the first time in almost a year. She told us she was ready to die... and that she didn't know who we were, but that it would be nice for her to have her family (meaning her mother, father and sisters who had passed away years ago) come visit her. When the time came, it was unexpected because she had had such a good day, and seemed so much better than the previous few months.

I think Frances's comment, "Why would anyone have wanted to prolong a life in that condition?" is one of the most accurate. My mother-in-law's passing was not as sad as my father-in-law's 3 weeks before. Her's was one of relief for all. We had lost her slowly - bit by bit - over the past few years. And I know how horrified she would have been by the person she became with Alzheimer's.

We're starting to be able to look back to the years she was with us as herself and be thankful for those memories.

[Frances]

Oh, Ginger... I'd forgotten about your mother-in-law going so soon after her husband. How wonderful that you all got some good quality time with her. Amazing that she became so lucid: that was truly a gift from God. And, I concur with you: our first emotions were one of relief; the sadness would come later. Thanks for sharing, Ginger. God definitely gives us circumstances in life that bring friends and family closer together, doesn't he?