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My mother's hands

It doesn't take much for me to get teary eyed these days regarding my mother, who has slipped a notch or two on the Alzheimer's scale this past month. Sitting with Mama yesterday, I took her hands and gave her a love squeeze hoping she would return the gesture. She didn't, but I have to believe that she was squeezing my hands in her heart. What's ironic is while tears are streaming down my face as I'm holding her hand, my mother, who used to be so compassionate just stares as me. I wonder if she's thinking anything. Does she remember all the things she used to do for us with those hands?

Here are some concrete memories of Mama's hands:

• Peanut butter smile - Whenever Mama opened up a new jar of peanut butter, she would draw a smile with the knife on the smooth surface of the peanut butter before digging in and making us our beloved pb & j sandwiches.
• This little Piggy Went to Market - We used to ask Mama to say this nursery rhyme to us with her hands holding ours and going through the motions.
• Cutting my fingernails with her fingernail scissors - I loved to ask Mama to cut my fingernails. She was so careful.
• Washing our hair in the kitchen sink - Mama laid us on the kitchen counter supporting our heads in the sink and gently washing our hair.
• Gently squeezing our cheeks and giving us a kiss
• Checking to see if we had a fever
• Blowing us a kiss when saying goodbye
• Coming our hair and getting the tangles out, very careful not to hurt us

And then there are the countless other activities that I associate with Mama's hands:

• Sewing our clothes
• Washing dishes
• Hanging out clothes to dry
• Folding our clothes
• Ironing our clothes
• Driving us wherever we needed to go
• "Pasting up pages" at The Daily Herald so that our family had enough money to have a few extras in life
  
• Helping us type our research papers
• Picking vegetables from the garden
• Cooking breakfast every morning (biscuits on Sunday!)
• Filling out college financial aid forms

I wonder if Mama ever had any fun?

What's funny is that my hands are shaped like my mother's hands, and sometimes when I look at them I see Mama, and the tears start flooding and there's nothing I can do about it. This has happened at work before! One small difference, however: my hands don't have half the stories to tell that Mama's hands have.

Grinding Teeth

My mother has begun grinding her teeth. Loudly too! Up until now, apart from not walking, rarely feeding herself, and not saying much, Mama has seemed fairly normal. Plus, she is so content and peaceful looking... some days it would be nice to be like her: with not a worry in the world. (There are probably worse things than losing your mind!)

But the teeth grinding has just about got me. It's akin to fingernails on chalk. My poor mother: you can tell she has no control over it and probably doesn't even know she's grinding her teeth. There's nothing to do about it, and it's probably a foreshadow of more decline.

Oh, God, thank you for my sweet mother and all the happy times we had together! 

A lovely wedding

My second cousin got married this weekend, and the wedding was absolutely beautiful! You could feel Christ's presence immensely throughout the service. It reminded me a lot of my nephew's wedding last summer. All the preludes and processionals were beautiful hymns: "Praise Ye The Lord", "All Creatures of our God and King", "Holy, Holy, Holy" (my all-time favorite hymn!), "The Church's One Foundation", "A Mighty Fortress." The organ, brass and strings combination was majestic. One of the singers sang "He's Always Been Faithful" which was a medley containing "Great is Thy Faithfulness" (another of my faves!). Although I love classical, sacred music at weddings too, the hymns are just so meaningful.

The sermon was inspiring too: the minister stressed that marriage is 1 + 1 = 1. And, on top of that, we should be one in Christ. He also reminded us that marriage is ordained by God to glorify Him. All this is common knowledge, but still good stuff.

The reading was the same scripture that we chose for our wedding: Colossians 3:12-17. The best verse from that passage is verse 14: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

With a ceremony that powerful, my cousin and his new wife are definitely starting out their new life together on a firm foundation!

Jeopardy!

Charles, aka Mr Wikipedia, is going to take the Jeopardy challenge online tonight at 8:00. Go Charles!

McDonalds Night!

We had a wonderful supper tonight with Mama, and it's becoming a weekly tradition: we bring take-out from McDonalds and have a picnic in her room. She loves cheeseburgers, and can eat them by herself. In fact, tonight, she even reached for the cheeseburger! Charles, Janice and I had more fun chatting, while Mama was listening very attentively and turning her head to whoever was talking. All the while, she was very methodically enjoying her supper and everyone once in a while would utter a word or two. So, although I'm not a big fan of greasy cheeseburgers and fries, this meal with my beloved family was by far my favorite meal all week!

Mama was so beautiful tonight

I dropped by Mama's tonight to return her clean clothes and they were just wheeling her away from the dinner table. She looked so beautiful from the back. Her hair must have been done today and she had on a silvery-blue blouse and slacks which set off her silver-gray hair. Mama looked like a queen as they rolled her out of the dining room. Even in her state of dementia, she has that peace that passeth all understanding.

Part of Mama's beauty is just good genes, but most of it comes from pure, selfless living!

Mama was very expressive this evening. She smiled at me as I held her sweet little hands, and when I said I loved her, she actually said, quite clearly, "I love you too." The "too" was very special.

I wish she would smile when I take her pictures: all she usually does is look at my phone curiously, with an expression as if to ask, "Why are you holding up a phone and asking me to smile?"

Charles having fun with his new labelmaker

More on Aunt Ora's funeral

The last Scripture that was read at Aunt Ora's funeral was John 14:1-6. It begins with "Let not your not your heart be troubled." That was so Aunt Ora... confident in God and sure of her salvation. The reading ends with "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." Jesus' message is so simple, if we'll just grab on to it and don't let go!

Aunt Ora's funeral certainly got me thinking more about eternal life. The more I think about it, the more that death does seem like a logical step... what other method could God have used to bring us home to heaven? I guess all the different ways that people die is the part that keeps life interesting, and it's probably the way God planned it!

Aunt Ora's funeral, part deux

I mentioned yesterday how much I liked the Scripture that Aunt Ora picked out for her funeral. It was very positive Scripture... Scripture meant to comfort those of us left on earth who are grieving for her. The second Reading was from Romans 8. It included verses 14-19, 34-35 and 37-39. Verse 15 is pretty good: "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.'" Aunt Ora always spoke about a God who loves us, not a God whom we should fear (as in be scared of). I know that God does judge us, and we will be held accountable for our sins, but if we possess a spirit of adoption, we will be more inclined to love and honor and worship God. We will want to do right! God wants us to do right because we love Him, not because we're afraid of Him! At least that's what I think and so did Aunt Ora, or at least that's the impression I got.

I also like the first part of verse 34: "Who is he who condemns?" Aunt Ora was one of the most tolerant, patient, open-minded people I know. She never condemned anyone. She was tolerant of homosexuals when probably most of her generation shunned or didn't understand them. She was extremely patient and tolerant with both the mentally ill and the mentally retarded. She taught me a good lesson in that respect! Who are we to judge others???

Of course the last two verses of this reading are so well known: "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Aunt Ora probably chose these verses to assure us that God will love us for eternity, and although death is kinda scary (at least for me), God is there and will get us to the other side of Heaven in a way that will make it seem as if we're truly coming home.

Aunt Ora's funeral

Aunt Ora's funeral was something else. Being a bit numb, I don't remember a lot of details, but I loved all the songs, and I liked the Scripture that she picked out. The songs were: "The Strife is O'er", "Ye Watchers and Ye Holy Ones" and "A Mighty Fortress is our God." We sung the first song at Daddy's funeral, and I suspect we'll sing it at Mama's funeral too. If I were still Episcopal, they'd probably sing it at my funeral as well. I'm looking at the bulletin, and it says we sang "Christ the Victorious," but for the life of me, I don't remember singing it.

The Scripture was from The Book of Wisdom (chapter 3:1-5,9) Romans (8:14-19, 34-35, 37-39), and John (14-1-6). Did you know that The Book of Wisdom is in what they call the Apochrypha?  Chapter 3 begins with Solomon saying that when people die, we (the living) think of it as misery, but they (the dead) are in a lovely, peaceful place with God:

3:1 But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and there shall no torment touch them.
3:2 In the sight of the unwise they seemed to die: and their departure is taken for misery,
3:3 And their going from us to be utter destruction: but they are in peace.

It's true, but I'm still going to miss Aunt Ora!

I cried a lot during the funeral. It was so emotional and sentimental. Being around family, knowing how close our family is: that was powerful. Walking into the room where we assembled before the service and seeing so many family members who came from afar just about did me in. What a priceless treasure it is to have a closeknit family who is there for each other. One of my cousins worked until midnight the night before and then took a nap and drove 7 hours to make it to the funeral. Had I been in that situation, would I have done the same? I sure hope so.